MEN’S WATCH AND TALK – online event

This is an online event for men to get together to watch and discuss a documentary about a men’s group and – amongst others – the question “What does it mean to be a man?”.

In the film, the members of a diverse group of men take center stage. Their personal reflections on life’s challenges is contrasted by a journey to WWI sites – shockingly topical – mirroring the present times of war in Europe.

Counselling Psychologist Sebastian hereby responds to the recent impact of the pandemic on quality of life in Hong Kong and Asia Pacific. The intention being to reflect on male topics and to connect through a shared experience – far away from the often depressing daily news.

“Every man is an island. But some men build island chains, underneath they are connected”

E V E N T

Monday 28 March 2022 on Zoom
Start 19:30 HKT time
- Introduction & Meditation (or technical setup)
- Watching the movie (70′)
- Sharing session (30′)
- Closing Meditation
End 21:30 HKT time
Cost: FREE – registration required

M O V I E durch T E C H N I K

Participation in the Zoom Meeting is free of charge upon registration
Participants need to rent or buy the movie on Vimeo
The purchase is not part of the registration
Link and further info: MAKE ME A MAN

D I S C L A I M E R

Sebastian has no affiliation with the owner/producer/promoter of the film, nor is he affiliated with the vimeo platform. Sebastian does not have any commercial upside by organising this event. I simply liked the documentary as a piece of art and deem it worthwhile sharing with likeminded men.

December 25, 2021

Mindful Holidays for a joyful year ending

Joy as a Mental Strategy

When I prepare mentally for the holiday season, I remind myself of one mindful attitude in particular: JOY. Joy is an attitude of the heart. The warm feeling we can choose to feel from inside with intention.

I am mindful of my intentions for the festive season. This includes my intention to engage with loved ones, with neighbours and strangers in soft and kind way. But even more so to engage with myself by pacing my levels of tension, impatience and striving.

Also setting an intention that makes a difference from other times of the year. I ask myself, looking back what is the one thing that I want to have accomplished (i.e. making some people happy with a poignant choice of gifts; having spent quality time with some people I love; having met with people without masks and little risk of infection).

Traps of mindlessness

Some of us seem to be driven by perfection, sometimes based on missed chances during our own childhood or due to chasing a nostalgic high we want to replicate. It is essential to bethink yourself of the purpose of the holidays and how you want to celebrate it.

Mindfulness suffers when we get ahead of ourselves, when we are not being present with all our senses.

Some of us want to please too many people or cater for too many needs (i.e. giving, meeting, singing, eating, resting, celebrating, reading, cheering, greeting, kissing, …). It can be difficult during these times of heightened expectations to allow yourself to be human.

Cultivate mindfulness over the holidays

In any culture, important holidays typically put a strain on families and relationships. Christmas being the one I grew up with. It is also a time when sadly I receive more enquiries from couples. Holidays come with cultural norms and obligations, loads of expectation regarding behaviour and family dynamics galvanise.

Being mindful means to pay attention from moment to moment without judging. The reward then is to be able to engage with each other in harmony without being carried away by our minds, our work or our (hi)story.

Coming back to Joy

Mindfulness can simply mean to practice joy, generating warmth from your heart. For some that might mean to be a bit less self-involved and for others that might mean to offer more of what one truly has to offer: their own joyful presence not “presents”. Please find free guided meditations, links to more and reading material on Counselling in Hong Kong website https://counsellinghongkong.com and contact counsellor Sebastian Droesler for more information.

Three simple practice during the festive season

Choose to focus your attention on one thing or task at a time. Be fully present with the task at hand. When you speak to someone, think before you talk. When you eat, chew and taste before you swallow. When you drink, smell and savour the good stuff. When your attention is being pulled or your mind wanders, notice where it went and then bring it back.
Expand your awareness without judgement without striving. Take a moment to observe yourself and your surroundings in stillness. Resist the temptation to leap forward into the next thing to do. What do you notice about yourself? Watch what is going on around you? No need to change anything. But if you choose to act, do it with elegance.
Practice your Lovingkindness. Lovingkindness is the practice of wishing well. You can use phrases such as “may you be happy. May you be healthy.” that you can say in silence to yourself, loved ones, strangers and even people you find difficult. Connect with positive emotions of goodwill and benevolence. We’re not trying to manifest any reality (we’re not going to make anyone healthy by wishing that they are), but rather seeing how it feels to say these words to another person while genuinely meaning it.

If you are looking for counselling or coaching via in-person sessions with Sebastian, you can find his office conveniently in Lan Kwai Fong, Central Hong Kong.

January 2, 2020

Sebastian’s Events in Q1 2020

Skilfully riding the last waves of the pig year

I wish we could transition into a brand new year as if waving a magic wand – letting the inconvenient and disruptive things disappear.

However, we will face challenges in 2020. So, shall we question our priorities? Yes. Reallocating time to health and resilience.

Inner strength always precedes noticeable balance. Now is the time to look ahead with stillness – not inertia.

I am inviting you to take mindful action and to focus on what matters most: How you reach into the world.

The following offers are my way of reaching your world, Sebastian

Growing inner strength, finding your niche

Join the free intro and Q&A to my Mindfulness-based Cognitive Training program. Get to know the benefits, scientific research and program structure. Familiarise with the venue and fellow travellers.

RSVP here

Mindfulness Challenge January 2020

Free online group practice wherever you are
Can you commit to nine guided sitting meditations over 3 weeks?
By attending a series of 9 silent group meditations online you can …
# Connect in a virtual practice group based in Hong Kong
# Use your phone as an anchor to the present moment
# Have full control over convenience and mobility
# Make Sebastian give 200%

practice online with others in silence

Mind over Money

Gaining insight into how you are socially perceived is a powerful and transformative effort. What do people around you say about your conduct, energy, balance and presence? And how do you want to be seen and perceived in your interactions with others going forward?

Investing in your Self
Read article about better living

Mindfulness-based Cognitive Training Program

The gold standard of mindfulness-based non-medication approaches with the largest and most profound scientific research worldwide is available to everyone.

Benefit from building mental capacity, expanding awareness and cultivating presence. Participants learn to increase resilience to stress and negative thinking spirals.

Dates & Details

February 4, 2019

5 most typical psycho-traps for men in Hong Kong

Working for almost a decade with male and female individuals, couples and groups Counselling Psychologist Sebastian Droesler understands the challenges of modern city lives.
With his male clients he typically sees five dangerous traps. To be caught in these traps often leads to unhealthy lifestyles and behavioural patterns that lead to unhappiness, stress, anxiety and bleakness.
1. Fear of Missing Out
FOMO is a state of unrestfulness and often leads to unhealthy, unbalanced and unreasonable choices. So you go out instead of swimming. You stay out too long when you actually wanted to go home. You go to bed late, absorbed in games or surfing the net. You take business trips and events as welcome opportunities to drift and to slip.
2. Bargaining with life
Many men are trying to do what is demanded of them while leering at a future of independence and loosing themselves in the process. They might hold on to a job or a role telling themselves that they just need “to make it through” and then paying the price: loss of pleasure and increased anxiety.
3. Forgetting the inside
Portraying our selfs is often as much a bad habit as it is nowadays a necessity instagated by social media
. For many men authentically showing up is difficult and risky. Showing off is easier and yields some short term gain. Playfulness and manhood often get redirected to no good.
4. Not living fully present
Having a plan is good and needed. Constantly planning the next thing is not good. Men are prone to leap forward any moment in time. Thereby forgetting to be present. Connecting with loved ones and finding people to respect is a choice. If you don’t know what a good day looks like – you might not live it!
5. Knowing but not acting
Many men freeze when change is most needed. The phenomenon of paralysis under stress comes in many shapes and forms and is often expressed in procrastination. Taking action seems to be the obvious and simple recipe to dodge adversity at work, in health and relationships. However, often something deeper and darker stands in the way.
More and more men want to author their own well-being and become a better version of themselves. In order to address the above mentioned challenges Sebastian offers Men’s Groups and Men’s Retreats to enable men to steer clear of the pitfalls of their culture.

June 1, 2015

Sabbatical 3/3

Three Top challenges for a meaningful Sabbatical and how to deal with doubts
Your top 3 challenges in living a fulfilled and meaningful sabbatical are:
Not being clear.
Not being focused.
Not being relaxed.
“Relaxed?” you might ask. Indeed, if you are clear and you are focused, then there no need not to be relaxed. Tensing up will not help you. Becoming dull, lazy or mindless is not being relaxed. Chilling out is not being relaxed. You can pursue a meaningful life while being relaxed – without hammock and beer. Relaxed means not being stressed. Not being stressed means balancing your capacity with your tasks. As if your life depended on it.
Of course you have doubts and concerns. “What do you mean “my first day back in the office”?” I hear you say. Maybe you are not sure what you want to do after this. Maybe you don’t even know what to do with this. So you learn Spanish eventually and then what? You live in Hong Kong, work for an Australian company, go to Thailand on vacation and love Japanese food. True, you can read Paulo Coelho in any language. But there is more to life than just functioning – I reckon. Share your concerns with others and talk about your doubts. The answer might lie in the way you feel about things when you hear yourself talking. If you are looking for a wholesome journey, then start by tuning in to yourself – as a body and mind experience. Ticking off boxes, fulfilling tasks and reaching set targets will often not make you happy if your heart is not in it.
One more thing: Document your journey in some way!
You don’t need to have an agency working for you nor do you need to have your own blog, Facebook page or twitter account dedicated to your sabbatical experience. However, documenting your experience in some way or another will be helpful. It helps you reflect on you aspirations and adjust towards your goals if needed. It also helps you learn and develop a sense of achievement. Furthermore, while documenting your experience you will know if your heart is still in it – if the sabbatical carries your signature.
If your documentation enables feedback from friends and family or other followers, you can use this to help you stay focused and aware. Journal or reflect on your time spent ongoingly. Do not wait until the time is up or even worse postpone reflection to a later future stage. The learning and adjusting must happen while it happens: in the here and now! What you do later on can be done in addition.
Sabbatical being an amplified concept of life as such!

May 18, 2015

Sabbatical 2/3

Know your distractions as if your life depended on it!
So you take time off work and want to make the best out of it? Be mindful of some of the things that might hinder you making the most out of your time. Knowing your distractions can help you to steer clear.
Reflect back on last week. Where and how did you spend time on activities that were not in sync with your aspirations? Now ask yourself: did you make a conscious decision to spend time on those activities? And did you stick to that time? You will find that very often this is not the case. You need to develop the awareness of where you put your focus of attention and then having the courage to remember what you actually wanted to do. This as the ultimate path to being satisfied with your sabbatical in particular and your life in general. Funny enough, the same basic principle as applies to simple awareness of breathing exercises and other mindfulness practices.
Being effective – The courage to remember
Having the end in mind is essential for your mental balance and in order to formulate aspirations which can guide you day by day and week by week. Only the definition of clear and measurable intentions enables you to keep track of your course. Clear goals – like “I want to read one chapter of a book per day” or “I want to run 30km per week” – are measurable and achievable yet give you the freedom of how you allocate your time within a day or a week.

May 4, 2015

Sabbatical 1/3

How to be effective in Doing Nothing
A client of mine decided beginning of this year to ask her employer for a six months sabbatical and received the approval. Since then I am more aware of the topic and the implications that come with it. Most people want time off work because they sense that they need change of some sort and they somehow feel that they hadn’t addressed certain areas in their lives in a way that fully represented their values, i.e. spending time with family. (I hope that I am clear by writing vague enough)
Setting the targets
The more you are clear about how you want to spend the time and what you want to achieve during your time off work, the more fulfilling and meaningful will your experience become.
You want to ask yourself, how you will know that you have spent the time worthwhile? What will people close to you notice about you during the time and afterwards? How will the time rub off on you personally and professionally?
Be cautious of trying to do too much. Is it realistic to learn Spanish, sailing the world with family and explore new business ideas at the same time within 6 months? Discuss the feasibility of your targets with the people around you.
Before you throw yourself into “Doing absolutely nothing” or “Finally doing what you always wanted to do” it helps a lot to identify: what are your biggest fears with regard to the time off work? What would it mean to you, if those fears come true? How will you feel? Whom can you confide in? And then apply an attitude of gratitude to these fears. What happens to your fears when you see the time that you have as a gift and also a responsibility? What do you wish to receive from the world around you? And what do you want to give back?

April 16, 2013

Gallup Study

Gallup asks 12 Questions to Measure Employee Engagement.