This is the time of year when many of us take time to reflect on the past year. We think about making adjustments to life or to set off to new endeavours. Some of us are sitting on the same list of things to change year after year. We realise that another year has past without significant alterations or growth.
Why is it, that change seems so difficult to implement and what’s more, to make it last?In my work with clients I come across the following five reasons that make change very difficult and often impossible to happen.
1. You are over-promising
We think we found clarity in what we “need” to change, which spurs enthusiasm. Now with this sense of commitment that quic. our drive for action we over-promise. We declare to ourtselves and others that “…from now on, I will hit the gym 5 times a week” or “…will renovate the apartment in one weekend”.
2. You are idealising the big bang
The idealisation is often hidden in a thought pattern that goes like this “If only I have all of such-and-such in place, THEN I can finally pull the trigger and realise the change I aspire”. Does that sound familiar? “In order to write my first novel, I need a quiet office space with a desk and a brand new computer.” Or “If only I could find the perfect support (Yoga studio, Mandarin teacher, Nutritionist, …), then I could finally start living healthier.”
3. You are lacking an understanding of your motivation
I often hear people say “I need to do more workout”, “I should drink less” or “I must go to bed earlier”. Really? Do you? Using this nagging language tends to increase your sense of self-blame. It chore-izes whatever you actually wanted to do. Ask yourself instead: “Do I have to do this or do I want to?
4. You are not managing your time
If your ambition is to take on an MBA, to get some overdue paperwork done or just to declutter your desk, you need to plan for it. The time you need for each task can’t be found in the your days or weeks as you live them. You have to make it. If you fail to make time appropriately, your projects will fail or leed to dissatisfaction in other areas – like lack of sleep, increased stress, weight gain and social isolation.
5. You are being too harsh on yourself
Procrastination feeds on our inner conflict of knowing the waiting task and deferring the doing. In our minds we don’t allow the things to be just the way they are. Instead we constantly want things to be different than they are. With a rigid mindset it seems impossible to give ourselves permission to rest or to do things differently.
In order to make personal growth sustainable it is inevitable to understand the roots of your motivation – the values and preferences for life, that you carry. Furthermore, it is essential to transform and replace bad habits with good ones. In order to do so, we must understand fully what holds us back, what keeps us stuck and what it is inside of us that works against us.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May you be happy and well.