How to heal your avoidant attachment style?
Yes indeed, lots has been written about attachment styles and even more has been published.
I will focus here on what to do better if you have an avoidant style.
As adults, those who are securely attached tend to have trusting, long-term relationships. Other key characteristics of securely attached individuals include having high self-esteem, enjoying intimate relationships, seeking out social support, and an ability to share feelings with other people.
Here I will focus on the avoidant attachment style – not so much on the anxious one. Reason being that I am currently dealing with several male clients suffering from their avoidant attachment styles. They are all facing serious issues in committed long term relationships or relationships they want to make work long term.
With high probability they would not be my clients, if they did not have committed partners with most likely secure attachment styles. That’s not because they are not hurt. Its because they don’t even know they have been hurt at some point – which then made them likely to become avoidantly attached.
In counselling and therapy I will work with you on the being and acting avoidant and how you would be more secure and act more securely in relationships and social contexts. Self-awareness is key in order to tackle these cognitive and behavioural areas. Mindfulness practices will help you to develop awareness and also to cultivate your emotional balance.
Therapeutic relationship: as a therapist I provide …
- safe place to experience and to try new behavior
- gather and explore typical avoidant behaviour, habits and attitudes
My approach to counselling applies the theory and practice of Mindfulness:
First: Self-awareness (in particular in difficult relationship situations) – what is going on with me and inside of me right now?
Second: Focus on affective self-regulation, communication and insight – what mental strategies can I apply to work it out?
Time off as “alone time”: taking a break (like a holiday) in order to become proficient in observation skills (being present and at the same time being non-judgmental)
Often with the target to improve relationships!!